“Political Science, so Let’s Drop the Big One” by Randy Newman

And here’s more:

Some rules for modern living.

1. If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
2. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
3. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
4. He who hesitates is probably right.
5. Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
6. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
7. Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
8. The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
10. Two wrongs are only the beginning.
11. Work is only accomplished by those employees who are still striving to reach their level of incompetence.
12. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.(The corollary is: you never learn to pray until your kids learn to drive.)
13. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.

hattips to KH and JWT.